Giant Dog Isn’t So Sure About Tiny Human Walking Him

Last year my mom brought home a baby hooman. I’m not sure what’s cuter, the baby hoomans or the baby pups. Either way, this little munchkin and I were best friends at first sight (although I was leery at first, the crying drove me crazy).

Now I’m getting her leash trained! Today our mom let me take her on a walk all the way down the street. Some people may think she’s walking me, but let’s be honest. This little tot is two feet tall. She ain’t walkin’ no one!

It’s my job to keep her safe, so I’m going to start with the squirrels. Those little guys want you to think they’re your friends until one day, they come up to you and steal your nuts.

I mean I spent all day gathering acorns in the yard when I was a pup and in less than two seconds they were all gone! It’s basically a joke around here at this point. If you lose something? Squirrels got ’em!

The next lesson is old man Jenkins down the street. He’s a nice enough doggo, but he will wait for you to walk by and then nip your heels as you walk. It’s really not that fun, and she’s about to cross paths with him.

Maybe we should cross the street to avoid him? That’s another lesson I have to teach her: stay out of the road! Last year my tail got run over by a big box with twirly wheels. You see, I was trying to bite the wheels (they were running away!) and sure enough, my tail got trapped under it.

I ended up at the vet (every dog’s worst nightmare) and this thing hasn’t wagged the same since then.

“Okay little one, maybe it’s time to turn back. We’ve gone far enough and I think you’re doing well on your first day of leash training. We can head back home and I’ll teach you all about the cats.

Those guys have, like, nine lives and they are terrifying with their big pointy claws. When they fall, they land on their feet. People used to worship them a couple of thousand years ago. They’re just bad news. I mean, you can get one if you want someday, but I wouldn’t recommend it.  A big dog like me is usually your best bet.”

You know, I was nervous that I wouldn’t like the small hooman at first. But she’s quickly made a place for herself in my heart. Plus, she feeds me her baby food. I live for those mashed bananas.