One of my favorite parts of the day is hanging out with my dad after he gets home from work. I know he’s really stressed because his job is tough, so I try to make him as happy as possible when he walks in the door.
Sometimes I will chew up his old slippers so that he can fit them in the garbage can instead of taking up all that room. Yesterday, I peed inside so he didn’t have to worry about taking me outside. It’s the little things, ya know?
I’m just trying to do my part around here and be considerate!
Today I decided to give him a big ol’ kiss on the cheek. That always makes him super happy! My dad’s girlfriend thinks it’s gross because she says I have “the germs”.
I don’t know what the germs are, or where he found this lady that he calls his girlfriend, but I don’t have those germs that she speaks of. I have kisses, and I give them freely to my dad. Maybe she’s just jealous that I don’t like giving her kisses.
If she was a little nicer, I would kiss her and chew up her old slippers. But she isn’t, so I’m not going to make her life any easier.
Woah, what the heckin heck is this? He’s trying to kiss me back!
No, no this is not okay. I’ve never even heard of this! What would all my dog friends think of me if they found out I’d been kissed by a hooman?
I literally just had a bath. Why are you doing this, dad? Now your girlfriend is going to bathe me again and she doesn’t even use my favorite loofa or shampoo!
Wait a second… what if dad’s girlfriend is projecting? What if she is claiming I have the germs because secretly she knows that hoomans have the germs?
What if I just caught the germs she’s talking about… Oh my woof. I’ll have to go to the vet! I’ll have to get shots! They’ll stick that metal thing up my butt like they did last time! They’ll… they’ll make me share a room with a cat…
I will never forgive him for this if I get sick and have to go to the vet. From now on, I’m going to wait until he gets home to pee. That way he has to do even more work and take me outside. And slippers? Forget about it. I’m never tearing those up into smaller pieces for him ever again!