From the Desk of Puggles P. Puggleton
My Infiltration of the Sheep Herd
I stand out like a sore thumb. The sheep crowd around me and sniff me, but they definitely know that I’m not one of them. My small stature and short face are dead giveaways that I’m not part of the flock. I try to give orders, but few obey.
I have noticed a few things about these sheep, though. They have rectangular pupils, and they can smell almost as well as I can. During my research, I discovered that they have scent glands in the front of their eyes and on their feet.
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The sheep are starting to trust me a bit more. However, I started barking at what I thought was a squirrel today, which spooked them a little. I need to work on my sheep language. How do you say “baaah”? I don’t have any lips, so this may be more difficult than I first thought.
Today I went out with them to graze on the grass fields. Apparently, sheep can eat about 0.03 pounds of hay per pound of body weight per day. I don’t know how much these sheep weigh, but it must be a lot since they were grazing for a while. I tried the grass, but it only made me want to throw up.
I think I’ve figured out how to infiltrate them. My human bought me a sheep costume and had me wear it while I stood with the flock. The sheep were pretty curious about my new threads, sniffing and nipping at me for a while. However, I think I was able to fool them into thinking that I’m part of the flock. My sheep language is still pretty rough, but I’ve learned to control my barking so that I won’t give away my identity.
I have declared myself “king of the sheep.” They follow me everywhere, listening to my every command. However, I’m not sure what to do with all this power. Sheep aren’t very good at many things (besides eating and milling around), so having a whole flock at my disposal isn’t very valuable. Plus, this costume is getting pretty itchy. I’ll need to have my human wash it for me pretty soon.
I’ve stopped my research. I thought that sheep would be far more interesting than this. But, I will admit that this was a pretty cool experience. I wonder if goats are any more exciting…