It’s Friday afternoon, so I’m just lounging around doing dog things with the family.
You know, getting head pats, chasing the cat, and pooping in her kitty castle. It was a perfectly normal Friday until a suspicious man started walking up to my door.
My only job is to protect my family (except the cat, she’s burned too many bridges with me), so I definitely need to investigate this suspect. Back up people, the professionals are working!
Oh, I know who this guy is. My parents call him “the mailman”. I call him the bearer of bad news.
Why do I call him that? Because every time he brings the mail, my parents get mad. They sit down and open it and say something about the bills, so I think it would be best if this man stopped delivering these things. The way I see it is that if he brings the bills, he should pay them. They are cutting into my treat fund.
But how do I stop him from delivering it? I’ve gotta think quick!
Alright, my first order of business is to assume the puppy defense position. If he tries to come through the door, I go straight for the ankles.
They don’t call us ankle biters for no reason, ya know.
But it seems like he isn’t coming in through the door. He’s putting something in through this slot! I’ve got to stop him!
No! No sir! Do not do that! Take those bills back. We have no need for them here! No thank you, not interested!
Why isn’t he listening? He just keeps pushing even harder! Some people just cannot comprehend the word “no”!
That’s okay, I have a backup plan. He wants to play hardball? I’m game! I don’t back down from a challenge, not when my parent’s happiness is at risk!
Just gonna yank this mail through the slot. I’ve got to figure out the best way to destroy the evidence though because I don’t want my parents to see it first.
Should I hide it under the kitty castle? No, they’ll probably look there. What about inside my human brother’s homework or textbooks? He hides that from them in the first place, so that should be a safe spot.
Except, I just realized that my mom is recording me, so she knows about it. Great… what do I do??
I have been left with no other option. I must initiate the backup plan. I repeat I must initiate the backup plan!
Commence…operation destruction! I need to destroy every piece of this mail before my mom is able to see what is in it.
It’s a hard job being the main protector of the family, but they sure are lucky to have me. Now that I’ve retrieved and destroyed the mail before they managed to get to it, they won’t have to pay any bills this month! Hooray!
I am such a good boy.